#38 Say It In A Letter
When Kelly feels lonely, unimportant and unheard, she writes a letter to her husband and kids.
Here she reads the letter and shares why putting thoughts and emotions into written words helps to process and express difficult feelings from a place of love.
Kelly is taking questions for an upcoming Ask Me Anything episode. Go ahead and ask her anything at: hello@myprojectme.com
Read the Transcript for this Episode below:
Episode 38 of the Project Me podcast.
Hi, I'm Kelly Pietrangeli, the creator of myprojectme.com. This podcast is designed to be an entertaining, lighthearted, inspirational, personal growth journey. Each episode goes in a mostly chronological order as I piece together the books, modalities, people, and experiences. The fallen onto my life path exactly when I needed them and how often I resisted the very things I needed the most or didn't see the gifts contained in the challenges until later by sharing my stories.
I hope to inspire you to reflect on your life path. What are the seeming coincidences that have led you to where you are today? What are the hidden gifts within your challenges? And what magic is out there waiting for you as you let go of resistance and follow your own breadcrumb trail. At the end of each short episode, there's an opportunity for you to reflect on how my story relates to your own life.
You'll also find a PDF of journal prompts in the show notes. Or in the podcast section at my project, me. com. Hi guys. Welcome back. I'm recording this episode without wearing my podcasting headphones because my left ear is completely bandaged up to quite comical proportions. Yesterday I had a skin cancer cut out of my earlobe with a skin graft taken from my neck.
It all went perfectly, but I didn't imagine I'd have to sport this look for the next week until they remove all the dressings. I'm calling it my Van Gogh vibe. It's I am prone to these basal cell carcinomas, and this is the fifth one I've had removed. I blame my 80s days of tanning blankets and baby oil.
This one on my ear just looked like a tiny red scab. I was at the skin clinic actually having something else checked out, but when they were checking me over, they caught this one. So let this be a friendly nudge to you to get any funny spots or moles checked out. The longer you leave it, the more they can spread out underneath the skin, and then the bigger the deal they are to get out.
I have got an update on my mother who moved to Spain a few weeks ago to start her new life here. We traveled to Alicante together for five days of hardcore apartment hunting. We rented a little Airbnb type of apartment right in the center of Alicante City in the old town. And when I stepped out onto the tiny balcony, who was there but Prince.
Yes, on the street wall directly opposite was a painted picture of the Purple Prince. And if you don't understand the significance of this, just go back a couple of episodes to the one titled My Book Baby. So I looked over and I said, Hey Prince, help my mom and I find an apartment this week, please. Well, I said, We saw some really crappy stuff and as the week went on she was getting into a deeper downward spiral of frustration, worry, hopelessness.
But I used my own tools and techniques that I teach everyone else in my high vibe journey program and I managed to hold on to the high vibe emotions of positive expectation and belief and after traipsing all over Alicante, even up the coast a bit. On our final full day there, we got a viewing on an apartment that was the one.
We both knew it the moment we walked in. It was freshly renovated, light and bright, with a balcony view glimpse of the sea, and out on the other side, a view of the castle with the Spanish flag flying high. It was within the budget. The estate agent, she's an independent agent. Her name is Janina Scotta.
She spoke perfect English and she will be my mother's contact throughout the rental, which is amazing. My mother doesn't speak Spanish, so we weren't quite sure how she was going to navigate something like that. So we said to Janina, you know, we've got a train tomorrow at noon. How soon can she sign the rental contract?
And Janina was like, I'll have it drafted up tonight and we can meet back here tomorrow before you go to the train and sign it. And that is how my mom got an apartment within one week of arriving in Spain. Boom. Oh, and one more thing on the rental contract, it shows the owner's name and it says purification path, which translates into pure peace or purifying peace.
Like her landlady's name is pure peace. Okay, here is the next woo woo magical part. This apartment, it happens to be located one minute from where we're staying and in a direct line from the Prince sign. I mean, it is one minute in a line from the Prince sign. So we had gone all over Alicante searching high and low, and in the end it was right under our noses.
Prince was trying to tell me. So she is back with me in Madrid now. And I'm helping her open a Spanish bank account and to learn how to use my old Apple iPhone and lots of stuff. It's been pretty intense at times, but when she and I are out and about like tourists, we're having a lot of fun together. She is a lot of fun, and she has a real zest for life.
And how damn brave is she to move to a new country where she doesn't speak the language and she's hearing impaired? She is gonna be more than fine here. I'm sure of it. My son Marco is arriving today from the UK and we're going to go on the train to Alicante with my mom tomorrow with all of her bags and help her to get settled in during this long weekend.
And then we'll say adios and she will start her new life there. I may not get this episode published before I go, but I thought I'd record it today in an attempt to keep my two episodes a month thing going. I am running my Ibiza retreat at the end of this month, so I may or may not manage that, but I'm just going to try to get this one out anyway.
This episode is going to be a short one. I came across a letter that I'd written to my husband and kids 11 years ago. My boys would have been 11 and eight when I wrote this. And if I hadn't kept it, I honestly don't think I'd have remembered this. Got it right here. I typed it out and it is dated April 14th, 2011.
To my dear Sweet family, this is a letter to my family to say that I need something from you all. Some extra love. Inside, I am feeling a bit low. I oftentimes feel like I'm talking, but no one is listening. This makes me feel lonely, even though I am not by myself. I want to feel like the words I say are heard, and that they mean something to you.
I promise to try harder to listen to you, too. I wish that when I asked my sons to do something, they would stop what they're doing and do it. This would mean I would not have to keep repeating myself. When I have to keep repeating myself, I get frustrated, and then I feel like I have to shout. I don't like shouting.
I wish that when I spoke to my husband, he would turn his attention to me, and show me he's listening, and respond. I do not have a job to go into in the day, so it is hard some days to feel important. When no one at home listens to me, I feel very unimportant. I see my most important job as looking after my family.
Planning and cooking nice healthy meals, organizing our lives, making sure everyone has what they need. I don't want anyone wearing shoes too small, or clothes with holes, or suits which need dry cleaning. I don't want a school project halted because we have no glue. I want the kids to wear sunscreen and to go to school with full bellies.
I want their lunchboxes to be healthy, but tasty enough that they will finish it all. I want the whole family to have healthy teeth. I would rather if someone else were in charge of replacing batteries and fixing broken things, as that's not really my thing, but I will have a go if need be. I want everyone to have enough sleep, which means I have to be the mean one who calls you inside when you're still having fun, and I have to force the lights off when you're still enjoying your book.
I don't like doing that, but sleep is so important. I also have to be the mean one who forbids too much computer time. I do this because I love you. I want you to be smart, creative, active kids, and that does not mean spending too much time sitting around on computers. I know it's fun, which is why I let you do it, but not too much.
It's not an easy job I have here, but I would not trade you guys for any other family in the whole wide world. I think we are the best. Team P. So just know how much I love you, and just love me back by showing me some respect and courtesy, please, and a few extra hugs and kisses would be good too. Love forever, me.
And I have a memory of leaving this out on the kitchen table and then going, like going out for a walk. And it felt cathartic to get that out of my system. I oftentimes don't know how I'm feeling until I put it into writing. That's why I love journaling so much. And I kind of remember coming back, and not getting the arms thrown around me response I would have appreciated.
Their reaction was more like, huh? What was that all about? Which is a bit exasperating when you've just spelled it all out in a letter. But I do know I was glad I'd written it. I never want to be sulky or passive aggressive by bottling my emotions up inside. I understand the importance of expressing my feelings and getting them out, but I'm prone to angry outbursts.
So writing a letter felt like a better approach than blaming everyone else for making me feel unheard and unimportant. So I thought I'd share that with you in case it ever inspires you to do the same. An important part of this is to not be attached to the outcome when you write a letter to express your feelings to someone else.
You're doing it for you to get it out. And of course to communicate how you're feeling to someone else, but how they respond is out of your control. What I will say is that they may not immediately respond in a loving manner. It could very well trigger their ego. Their ego is going to rise up to defend their position, right?
It doesn't want to be told that they're, they're doing something wrong or bad. So they may brush you off as being silly or they may, you know, rise to defend their position. But once their ego calms down and goes back to sleep. Some part of them will process it. I wrote that letter two years before I launched my business, my project, me.
com. And when I had no business, my self worth was so deeply entwined with my roles as a wife and a mother, and I am just not that person anymore. So this letter reading it now shows me my own personal and professional growth over the past 11 years. I must have been 47 when I started my blog and when I go to the blog section at myprojectme.
com into the love category on the life wheel, I find a post that I wrote back in 2013. It's called, let me go to it right now, fallen out with your man, why email is the answer. And this is another technique I have, which is writing an email to my husband. I'm going to just go ahead and kind of read this blog post to you.
You've had a major argument with your husband. You both think you're right. You can cut the tension with a chainsaw. All attempts at communication are blocked by defensive egos. Neither one of you are prepared to back down. In our 16 years together, my husband, I'm laughing, our 16 years together, now we must have been together for 26 years now, but in this blog post I wrote, in our 16 years together, My husband and I have had some ridiculously drawn out arguments.
We're both strong willed and like to get our point across loudly. I don't like fighting in front of the kids. I don't like fighting at all. I'm a lover, not a fighter, but at times it's dragged on and on. I'm utterly exhausted and I just want to agree to disagree. But do I wave the white flag and surrender?
Ha! Never. And neither does he. But over time, we've developed a natural solution to those battles that simply won't die down on their own. Email is the answer. I was the first one to send him one a few years ago. He must have realized it was a good idea, as he's often the email instigator now. Here's how you do it.
1. Sit down and, calm as you can, draft your partner an email. It gives you a chance to articulate your feelings and put forward your side rationally. Avoid excessive use of capitals and exclamation marks, or it comes across as shouting, which rather defeats the purpose. Number two, re read and edit the email before pressing send.
This is crucial. Have you put your argument forward in a way that even a judge would agree with? Have you described how you're feeling? Edit out any character assassinations. You always are. You never. Be sure to include something positive. Like how much you love him and care about your relationship. The beauty of an email is you can express how you feel without being interrupted or getting defensive.
He can absorb what you're saying without added voice inflections, facial expressions or body language. It's just words on a screen. Ideally, your partner will read your words, see it from your side without necessarily agreeing, feel touched by your love and your desire to work things out and respond like mindedly.
Then you'll have a chance to read his side and start making some serious progress towards a reconciliation. This doesn't just work for heated arguments. A friend once saved her marriage with one email. They hadn't communicated well for years and we're having the same old fights over and over. She'd finally had enough.
And decided to write him a long email. The process of sitting down and putting all she wanted to say into words forced her to get clear about how she felt and what she needed from him, the crux of the problem being his drinking. She ended the email by saying, if he came home from work that day and he said nothing, it was his signal to her that he didn't want to fight for their marriage.
She'd then begin proceedings to end it, but if he wanted to work things out, he just needed to tell her he was willing to try. She pressed send and then had an agonizing wait. He returned home from work and went straight upstairs without saying a word. Finally, after a while, he came down. He'd been researching online and came to the conclusion that he did have a drinking problem.
He vowed to quit and did so that very day. All of her years of nagging him verbally about his drinking and the growing tension between them was solved with one heartfelt email. Email may not be the answer to every deep marital problem, but if you've never tried it, it's worth a shot. And then I ended this blog post with, what about you?
Have you ever used email to help your relationship? Is it something you'll try? Leave a comment below. I'm scrolling down and. Several people commented under this one that they are going to try this. Um, someone said, I'm quite surprised you mentioned it since it's something I've been doing for quite some time now.
Before email, I would write a card, but now it's quicker to put it down in an email. And I have always found the response very favorable. For some people the written word is an easier way to truly express one's feelings and emotions and I am one of them. She wrote, I do it with my mother too when I feel I've perhaps upset her or been dismissive of her feelings.
Um, yeah, there's some more people who've written underneath that blog post. You can find that at myprojectme. com. By the way, if you've never been to the blog vault at myprojectme. com, it is all separated into your eight key life areas. And before I. I started this podcast, I mean, I blogged once a week, but my blogs weren't these kind of missives about my life.
They're really practical. So you go to the life area category where you're having a challenge and you click on it and you get my personal recommendation about something that's worked for me. Um, so that's something to check out, even though I'm not really keeping up with the blog anymore. Like it's a treasure trove of, of blog posts that are all designed to help you with any area of your life.
So, that is what I felt called to share with you in this episode today. I hope it inspires you to try expressing your emotions in writing.
Dear listener, relax your forehead. Take a long, slow, deep breath in and let it out with a sigh. Is there anything affecting your inner peace that could be expressed in a written letter or in an email?
Maybe you don't need to ever send it. But what if you wrote it as if you intended to and just see what flows out? Could you write a first draft and then edit it to be more kind and loving? Are you able to own and honor your emotions without blaming others for making you feel anything? Focus on your heart space right now and breathe love in and out through your heart, softening and relaxing into expansive heart energy.
Allow these prompts to gently simmer and if you feel called to act, Trust that the words will flow from a place of love.
Thank you for listening to the project me podcast. Be sure to click follow if you're listening in apple podcast or subscribe in Spotify or other podcast listening apps. And if you're listening on the podcast page at my project, me. com, click over to the start your page and join my newsletter list. So you never miss an episode.
I'll love to hear if you write a letter to someone, drop me an email. Hello at my project, me. com. Or you can message me on Instagram, kellyprojectme, or on Facebook, I am projectmekellyp. Don't worry, I won't share that your letter with anyone else. You can just tell me what's happened, I would love to hear.
And I am taking listener questions for a future Ask Me Anything episode. Do you have anything you'd like to ask me, like what I do in your situation, or something you'd like to know more about on a topic from a previous episode? Whatever it is, ask away. I won't share your name. Go ahead and send me an email.
Hello at myprojectme. com. Until next time, open your mind, open your heart, and stay curious. We all need some space in our lives for the magical and unknown.