#62 Dancing With Fear
This is an episode about fear.
An exploration of fear and a pep talk - because fear grips all of us from time to time and it’s good to develop a relationship with fear.
Fear isn’t something we just overcome in our lifetime and never have to deal with again.
We may overcome a specific fear - but then another will rise to the surface.
So let’s look at how to dance with fear so it becomes our partner rather than our enemy.
Mentioned in this episode:
My story of starting my business and doing Marie Forleo’s online B-School
https://myprojectme.com/make-business-dreams-come-true-marie-forleos-b-school/
The Questions by Byron Katie https://thework.com/instruction-the-work-byron-katie/
EFT Tapping Brad Yates episode 18 of this podcast https://www.kellypietrangeli.com/podcast
Follow on Instagram @kellyprojectme
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Read the Transcript for this Episode below:
Episode 62 of the project me podcast. Hello. Hello. I have been wanting to record a new podcast episode, but I needed to wait until I got my voice back after catching COVID a couple of weeks ago. Yes, it is now 2024. COVID is still a thing. My voice is definitely not back to normal, but it's good enough. I hope to record this episode.
I keep meaning also to record a new intro to this podcast. Ever since I relaunched my website under my own name, I'm realizing that the old recorded intro still says myprojectme. com. So if you're new to the show, hello, I'm Kelly from kellypietrangeli. com. This podcast is a lighthearted, Inspirational Personal Growth Journey.
Each episode goes in a mostly chronological order as I piece together the books, modalities, people, and experiences that have fallen onto my life path exactly when I needed them, and how often I didn't see the gifts contained in the challenges until later. It's my hope that by sharing my stories, you'll have the opportunity to reflect on your own life.
What are the gifts in your challenges? What are the seeming coincidences that have led you to where you are today? And what magic is out there waiting for you when you follow your own bread crumb trail? Today, I feel called to record an episode about fear. It's not so much a specific story like my usual episodes, but more of an exploration of fear.
And a pep talk for all of us. Because fear grips all of us from time to time and I think it's good to develop a relationship with fear. Fear isn't something that we just overcome in our lifetime and never have to deal with again. We may overcome a specific fear, But then another will rise to the surface.
So let's look at how to dance with fear so it becomes our partner rather than our enemy. For me, I have noticed that when I'm gearing up for expansion or stepping out of my comfort zone, fear comes and knocking on my door. I can keep the door firmly closed, uh, no thank you fear, not today, but it will only go around to the back door and sneak in that way.
It shows up in my body as a sense of anxiety. During the day I can calm it down. I can be busy or I can rationalize and assure myself that everything's a okay. But when I push fear away like that, you know what always happens? I wake up too early in the morning, like 4 a. m. with waves of anxiety that rise up from my solar plexus area and kind of up into my heart.
My physical body reacts to the fear. Even when my rational mind is saying, this is not a big deal, Kelly, you've got this. My body tells me otherwise. Now for me, my fears and anxiety are almost always around my work these days. Ever since I launched my online business in 2013, I have the kinds of fears I think most, if not all entrepreneurs have.
Fear of putting yourself out there. Fear of not knowing enough yet. Fear of making a fool out of yourself. Fear of rejection. Fear of getting it wrong. Fear of not being liked. Launching something nobody buys. Launching something a lot of people buy and it not being good enough. Fear of tech hiccups. All the unforeseen.
And all of these fears ultimately stem from some main underlying fears. Fear of uncertainty. We really do not like uncertainty, fear of failure and fear of not being good enough, and these fears can be crippling. They become obstacles that prevent us from moving forward. We must come to peace with the fact that there are no guarantees in life.
We won't get anywhere if we sit around waiting for absolute certainty that things will work out just as we planned, but things are always working out for us. I truly do believe that. This entire podcast is about what happens when we trust in the natural unfolding of our lives, and that even when things appear like they're not working out, they're Later, we always see that in fact they were.
So let's talk about what to do when fear comes knocking on our door. Well, what not to do is ignore it. and allow it to sneak in through the back when we're not looking. What we need to do is open the door and greet it. Oh, hello fear. I was rather hoping you weren't coming around for another visit so soon, but okay, come on in.
Let's have a cup of tea and talk. Engaging in an open conversation with fear is the way to go. After all, fear is not the big bad enemy. It's more like a very protective bear that wants to guard you from danger. It likes to think it has your back. It sees potential dangers and wants to save you from them, including failure and making a fool out of yourself.
So, rather than ignoring the bear, You need to invite it in and hear what it has to say. Some of it may be wise and worth listening to and considering, and some of it may be absolute nonsense. The best way to invite the bear in and have this conversation is in writing. So you get out a journal or a notebook and you write, Hello fear, I see you and I'm willing to listen.
Talk to me. Tell me what's on your mind. And let fear reply. Let it say anything it wants to say to you. Don't interrupt. Even if your rational brain is wanting to intervene, give fear this opportunity to let it all spill out, including any worst case scenarios. Once fear has run out of words, say thank you.
Then take fear's thoughts one by one and question them. Borrowing the five questions from the work of Byron Katie in her book Loving What Is, The five questions are, is it true? Can you absolutely be certain it's true? What happens when you believe that thought? Who are you without that thought? Turn it around.
Try on the opposite thought. So let me give you an example from my own journal from one year ago. I was getting the 4am anxiety pangs a few mornings in a row and I didn't really understand why. Finally, I decided it was time to let the bear in for a chat. It was 6 a. m. I'd been awake for ages, so I got up and I opened my journal and I wrote, Hello, fear bear.
I see you. I'm willing to listen. Talk to me. What's going on? And it took a little while for fear bear to get to the point. It started off by saying that there's a lot going on. It was feeling a bit overwhelmed by having too many fingers and too many pies. wanting to find focus but feeling pulled in many directions.
And then it came out with it. It told me my idea of changing my membership from Project We into Soul Explorers could be a very bad idea. It told me things are good the way they are. Why do you want to change everything? You're creating so much extra work for yourself and you don't even know if members will like the change.
What if they cancel? This isn't what they originally signed up for. You have a great membership now, helping women to keep a happy balance in their outer world logistics. They're engaged. They love your tools. It's an awesome community you've attracted, and it brings you a steady income in between running your programs and retreats.
This could all fire, backfire on you badly, Kelly. Whew! Fear bearer let it all out. And I was fully fearing the fears. They actually made a lot of sense. So I took a deep breath and I ran all of it through the five questions. I won't read all of them here, but let me just give you an example. So let's take question one on the fear of.
What if members don't like the change? And what if they all cancel? So question number one is, is this true? And of course I didn't know if it was true. It was a possibility. Sure. Some of them might cancel, but would all of them cancel? Would it all backfire on me? I could not say that that was the truth.
Question number two, can I be absolutely sure it's the truth? No, I cannot be absolutely sure. People will not like it and cancel. Question number three. What happens when I believe the thought that members won't like the changes and will cancel? Well, my thoughts create my reality. The Law of Attraction tells me that believing that thought is not helpful one tiny bit.
I'll probably attract cancellations. Question four. Who am I without that thought? Well, without that thought, I'm a powerful creator who takes my ideas and brings them through to fruition. Without that thought, without that fear of members cancelling, I would take my vision of Soul Explorers membership and create it.
Now for number five. Turn that thought around and try on its opposite thought. So, the opposite would be, members love the new membership, they want to stay through the transition and far into the future as we transform and grow together. I'm being called to make this change. It's time. And that felt good.
And I felt my energy shifting. The whole process of talking with fear got it out into the open. That fear was knocking at my door for a reason. I needed to find my focus. Get into alignment with my dream vision and create this new membership from my heart. And so I put on some music and I had a little dance with fear bear.
It might feel like all of this writing takes a long time and you will resist doing it, but I'm telling you it's so worth it. You can be your own life coach when you apply these techniques. After I did this, I slept like a baby. I felt lighter and freer. I felt aligned with my purpose and I took inspired actions that felt light and right.
And I'm happy to say that the transition into Soul Explorers was a great success. We were all ready for this change. It was time to stop focusing solely on managing our outer world logistics and begin diving deeply into our inner beings. To remember that we are all souls having a human experience, and to not get so caught up in the worldly tangibles that we cut off our deep connection to the universe.
I wasn't sure if everybody was ready for that yet, but imagine if I'd let fear stop me. If I had stuck to what felt safe, instead of stepping into uncertainty, we would all still be back there, instead of moving into what we're moving into now. There's the expression, feel the fear and do it anyway. And it reminds me of an interview I read with Bruce Springsteen, when he admitted that he still gets pangs of nerves and anxiety before he goes out onto stage.
Even the boss gets anxious. Can you imagine if he let that prevent him from performing? I remind myself of that, that nerves are normal and I channel my inner Bruce Springsteen when I need to put myself out there in public, you know, make a video or do anything, like even do a podcast episode. It's like channel my inner Bruce Springsteen.
The absolute truth is No matter how it looks on the outside, on the inside, we all have our fears. It might look, we might look at certain people and think they clearly aren't afraid. Look at them, so confident, so inspiring, but you are not seeing into their emotions. You do not know about the fears and anxieties they had to overcome to be doing what they're doing now.
Or that they still have now. I feel so grateful that I had a fantastic business mentor when I was just starting my business 11 years ago, Marie Forleo, look up her videos online. She has so many around fears and self doubt that in particular women have when starting their businesses. These helped me so much.
To know that Marie Forleo felt these same fears I was experiencing and overcame them to build the incredible business she's created absolutely helped me to create mine. Now I'm going to share another tried and tested method for having a conversation with fear and anxiety. I've talked in previous EFT.
Emotional freedom technique also known as tapping. I even had Brad Yates the tapping wizard as a guest back in episode 18 So I use the karate chop point on my hand first and I do the setup I'm tapping on that point of my hand and I say the words Even though I'm feeling anxious I love and accept myself.
I say that three times. And then I use the tapping points on my face and body and I do the first round of tapping by identifying how I'm feeling and where in my body I'm feeling it. I say things like, this anxiety, these waves rising up through my chest, And I start to talk to it, this anxiety, what's it about?
What's going on? Maybe it's fill in the blank with whatever it could be. And soon I do identify the source of it. I keep tapping as I talk about fear or anxiety and what it's all about. And after I've tapped on the emotions and I've kind of gotten those through, then I move into the empowering round. I go back through all the different points again and I tap and I give myself a pep talk.
I turn it around. I say positive affirmations, assuring myself that everything's okay. I'm okay. And in the end, I always feel better. Listen to episode 18 of this podcast if you aren't familiar with this technique. Brad Yates talks you through a tapping session around not feeling good enough. Such a common one for so many of us, and this episode will help shift that a bit.
So, these are a couple methods that really help me to dance with my fears, to have a relationship with them, to have compassion for them, and to overcome or release them so they don't stop me from doing the things I need to be doing for my growth and my expansion. Think about this in your own life. Where is fear currently holding you back?
Are you letting it sneak in the back door and live with you? Has it become your constant, unwelcomed roommate? Are you willing to open the front door and invite fear in for an honest conversation? To have a relationship with fear, Not chasing it away, nor letting it consume you, but learning to live alongside fear as a welcomed guest who can come in when you allow it to, but not just sleep on your sofa and eat all your food indefinitely.
Are you willing to take these inspired actions? Not just think about doing them, but really do them. Are you ready to dance with fear?
Thank you for listening to the project me podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe, review, and share. And please let me know when you have taken these inspired actions. I really want to hear. Come and join my free newsletter list if you're not already there to receive my soulful love notes.
I'll let you know first when a new episode is dropped. And from now on, I'm going to send links and resources to go with each one in the newsletter. For example, my subscribers today will receive links to the five questions typed out and a link to the tapping episode and the botched flower remedies I recommended in this episode.
I want to make it really easy for you to take action on the things that I talk about. So go to kelly pietrangeli. com to sign up for my list. I'll put that in the show notes as well. Now I want to make a timely announcement. My business mentor, Marie Forleo, is about to run her B School program starting on February 26th.
This is the online business school I did 11 years ago that gave me the confidence and the know how to start my business. This all in one program teaches you everything you need to know to work for yourself. To create your own hours and your own income, doing what you love and what comes naturally for you.
Marie is all about putting yourself out there and marketing your products and services. So people know about them and you can reach those who most need what you have to offer them. Even if you find doing all of that scary, she's got a way of making it tangible so that you actually overcome the fears and do it.
It's how I created my amazing newsletter list and ultimately how I got my book publishing deal, how I launched my membership, started running retreats and started this podcast and all the other things I now love doing and get paid to do and probably would have been too paralyzed with fear along the way to actually do.
This year, I am again a proud affiliate partner of Marie Forleo's B School, which means that if you join B School under me, using my special link, you also get my own set of bonuses. Which this year includes a one on one mentoring call with me, soul explorers membership, and a place in my high vibe journey program.
These are all things to support you emotionally and energetically as you create or grow your business. And there's no extra charge for any of that stuff. It's just when you join B school under me, you get all of that too. So go to my original website. It's all over there. My project, me. com. Head over to the blog section where I've written several pieces about my own experiences of B School and all the links are there for you.
You can also email me and I'll send them to you and I'll answer any questions you might have. You can email me hello at myprojectme. com. Until next time, open your mind, open your heart, and stay curious. We all need some space in our lives for the magical and unknown.